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Stay Focused on Healthy Relationships

The quality of a relationship is measured by the satisfaction of both parties. Individuals need to simultaneously grow separately as well as together. It is critical that each member is able to define what makes him or her happy, and equally what makes his or her partner content as well. Every human being has wants and needs; a relationship must be nurtured regularly for its health and survival. Every moment is an opportunity to learn something new — about yourself, about each other, and about the community and society in which we live. Take the time to truly listen to your partner. Go beyond words. Address the areas you can work on yourself so as to be most effective to share with your partner. Be in control of you!



This involves taking responsibility for your behavior. It is important to take a good and honest look at what impact you have on others. Take ownership over your actions, reactions, and influences you have on the world.

We closely examine varying degrees of minimization, denial, and blaming. In order to change for the better, you must know what it is about yourself that could be reshaped or refined and how you are perceived by others.

Understanding Abuse

This involves the use of power and control over another person. We carefully breakdown abuse into various forms on the wheel: physical, psychological, emotional, intimidation, threats, sexual, isolation, using (male) privilege, using the children, economic, and social abuse.

The health of the relationship can be measured by the disparity of the perception of abuse between two people.

Abusive, violent, and controlling behavior is changed for the better when participants in the program learn and get mastery over my tool, Model of Self-Control.

Understanding Abuse

Counseling in Madison, WI

Warning Signs

There are a variety of warning signs so as not to be violent, abusive, and controlling in a relationship, including physiological, cognitive, emotional, behavioral, and environmental.

It is key to analyze these signs from a temporal perspective. That is, taking a careful look at all of the events that precede a potentially abusive situation so that changes can be made while there is still time to remain non-abusive and non-threatening. We will examine how today’s actions affect each moment for the rest of our lives!

There are 10 questions I teach to help analyze a potentially abusive situation and how to develop solutions to act appropriately and successfully.

Choices & Consequences

It is important to realize that every moment we are making choices that affect every moment for the rest of our lives. Similarly, each choice we make affects many other people, which, in turn, affect scores of individuals. When we choose to think and act a certain way, it is not a simple cause and effect relationship. The ramifications of our behavior are endless.

We explore the choices that we make not just at this moment, but, for instance, what we did last week, or perhaps, last year, that has an impact on so many aspects of our existence and the world around us!

Choices & Consequences



We inventory and become better acquainted with understanding our wants and needs. We then come up with effective strategies for communicating these wishes to those we are interested in receiving something, whether it is tangible or in the form of help.

I teach the differences between asking for something in an assertive and non-violent way, rather than being aggressive or passive-aggressive. We go into more depth on how all of our words and actions, and in some cases inaction, are forms of communication in themselves. We will practice and learn to be more assertive for successful outcomes.

It all starts with knowing what we want and then learning the most efficient way on how to obtain it.


This is one of the most important aspects in mastering my Model of Self-Control.

In a healthy relationship, this involves gaining an understanding of your partner’s desires, fears, and anxieties. It is the ability to feel and experience the world from your partner’s perspective. More importantly, this includes knowing your impact on your partner’s life and getting a handle on this dynamic in the relationship so that you can choose to act in a way that has the most positive outcome with your partner.

We begin to explore looking through the lens of your partner’s view of the world. Being armed with this knowledge will guide you down a path that allows your partner to feel safe and secure to be by your side.

Domestic Violence Education in Madison, WI

Handling a Crisis

Handling a Crisis

There are 3 types of Crises:

Type I — You are unstable or faced with a particular stressor. This could occur after a bad night's sleep, poor nutrition, or lack of exercise. It may arise after dealing with a negative situation at work.

Type II — Your partner is not doing well. That person might be irritable, agitated, or otherwise psychiatrically unstable. Your partner may be struggling to address his or her own challenges.

Type III — You and your partner are feeling fine, but suddenly you are both faced with a significant stressor, such as a car accident, unexpected financial hardship, or trauma to a child.

In any crisis, the relationship becomes highly emotionally charged and there is the potential for you to become violent, abusive, and controlling.

We explore these various Crises, and prepare you with a Game Plan to develop your Model of Self-Control.


A relationship is built on trust and becomes stronger when you understand your partner’s wants and needs. We learn and practice active listening. We discuss other aspects of a good relationship including patience, sacrifice, and generosity.

We will tie together all components of the Model of Self-Control. We will practice to gain a better understanding of Time Stamp, or learning to analyze a potentially abusive situation, and develop strategies for behaving in a non-threatening, non-violent, and loving way.

A solid relationship is the foundation for Healthy Living!